


Ah... Men

by naegkawa (HazeleyeandHermione)



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Love Triangles, M/M, Pining, cyrus doesnt know which boy he loves, good old love triangle bullshit, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-06-16 13:45:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15438342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazeleyeandHermione/pseuds/naegkawa
Summary: Cyrus Goodman is just trying to survive his life as a disaster gay. He's not sure if he's cursed to fall for every boy who's nice to him or if he just really likes green-eyed jocks.





	1. Cezanne Never Double Texts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is pretty much exposition. Cyrus is just praying his boy troubles go away (they wont)

“Life is hard when you’re a gay icon but still technically not out yet,” Cyrus gave an exasperated sigh. He was at The Spoon with Andi and Buffy as he tended to do most days. “Do you know how many wasted joke opportunities I’ve let just fly by? It’s appalling.”  
  
Andi chuckled, rolled her eyes and popped a baby tater in her mouth. “Come on, Cyrus. I doubt there are that many gay jokes you could possibly be missing out on making.”  
He placed his hand to his chest, mouth slightly agape in offense. “First of all, how dare you underestimate my ability to turn anything into a clever pun? Second of all, you’re aware of my terrible experiences in gym class. Whenever Mr. Rez criticizes me for not throwing a ball straight it takes every ounce of willpower in my tiny body to not tell him _But Mr. Rez, I can’t do **anything** straight!_ So, I struggle fairly often.”  
  
“Hey, at least there are no balls to throw in gymnastics. That’s the next unit coming up, isn’t it?” Buffy chimed in. “Think about it. In just a few weeks, you won’t even have to push away the temptation.”  
  
Cyrus groaned, lying his head on the table. He hated gymnastics with a burning passion. It required too much upper body strength. And lower body strength. And middle body strength. And balance. And general physical prowess. It was just, overall, not meant for him. “Buffy, please don’t remind me. I’ve been trying to ignore that anxiety inducing hellspawn of a sport. And you won’t even be there to spot me! You usually just flip me over so I don’t have to do it myself! No one else is going to do that!”  
  
Buffy’s impending move was the elephant in the room everyone was too scared to address. Rather, Buffy didn’t want anyone addressing it; she would much rather her penultimate days in Shadyside be spent like all the other ones before.  
  
Cyrus mentioning her move brought the overall tone down; the smiles they wore were much more desolate now. They picked at the baby taters with less enthusiasm; silence lingered in the air heavily. It felt nearly permeable.  
  
It was broken when Andi cleared her throat. “Anyway, how did the fundraiser for the Space Otters go? The pancake thing? I totally would have helped out but I was with Bowie’s new girlfriend’s daughter.”  
  
The bitterness was very apparent in her voice. Cyrus made a mental note to ask Andi about that situation later. He was more surprised that Jonah didn’t tell her. After all, they were a thing, weren’t they?  
  
“I thought Jonah would have told you,” Cyrus commented.  
  
“Yikes, salt alert,” Buffy laughed, casting a teasing glance over at Cyrus. The two had resolved their argument, in addition to learning information about Jonah. Jonah’s anxiety disorder wasn’t Cyrus’s secret to tell Andi. Jonah would have to tell her himself, but he seemed to not like telling her anything.  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he furrowed his brows to look more hurt than he actually was by her comment. Sure, what he said may have come out a bit more curt than intended, but he wouldn’t have called it salty.  
  
“Whatever. It’s not important. Can I have an answer to the question I asked?” Andi seemed a little irritated by the exchange. She most likely wasn’t thrilled that Cyrus pointed out the lack of communication between her and Jonah. It was obvious they struggled to communicate.  
  
“The fundraiser was quite a party. We had some great volunteers including Cyrus and I in the depths of a fight, an incredibly stressed out Jonah Beck, and… Gus.”  
  
“At least Gus was there,” Andi shrugged, trying (and failing) to hold back her giggles. “Who knows what would have happened without him?”  
  
“I don’t know why he trusted Gus to send out the reminders about the Space Otters fundraiser to the team when I’m here! I’m so much more responsible. I never would have let Jonah down like that,” Cyrus’s expression was deadpan, his eyes incredibly serious. The only thing that gave away the fact that he wasn’t actually pissed off was the smile that broke loose three seconds later.  
  
“Oh, I’m sure you would never dream of letting down Jonah,” Buffy sighed melodramatically. Cyrus’s cheeks flushed a faint pink while Andi seemed to be lost in a fit of giggles. “Imagine the horror!”  
  
“Hey, you have no right to be laughing, Mack! You like him too!” Cyrus said defensively, crossing his arms. “Don’t throw glass in your stone house.”  
  
“Actually I think--”  
  
“Shut up, you know what I meant.”  
  
Once the triumvirate parted ways, Cyrus let his mind wander. This was a relatively common occurrence during the walks home from the Spoon. It was his time to decompress and mentally digest the events of the day, week, whenever. The walk wasn’t terribly long but it was the perfect amount of alone time for him to be able to just think.  
  
First, he thought about Jonah. Jonah was very often the first thing to occupy his thoughts. His green eyes and dimpled smile were impressionist paintings in his mindscape. Jonah Beck was perhaps prettier than a Cezanne. The pretty smile seemed to be more and more of a facade to Cyrus as he got closer to Jonah. His parents warned him against psychoanalyzing his friends, but it was something he simply couldn’t help. The beam of sunshine he radiated was a performative act; he needed to be adored by everyone. It was hard not to adore him, even in his darkest moments.  
  
He thought about the information Jonah shared with him and Buffy. He also suffered from panic attacks; it was something… unexpected. He had never considered Jonah on such an earthly level. His crush on Jonah, to him, was akin to his affinity for the poster of Zac Efron in High School Musical that he had taped on his wall. It was safely unattainable; he could pine in peace. Yet, that didn’t seem to be the case anymore. Jonah Beck, though sweet and charming, was no Zac Efron. Well, probably. Cyrus didn’t _know_ Zac Efron. He could go on to pretend Zac Efron wasn’t a tangible human being, just a _very_ pretty face.  
  
His mind drifted from Jonah and Zac Efron to TJ and Buffy (in his defense, there was a clear connection: Jonah, Zac Efron, Troy Bolton, Basketball, TJ). Cyrus felt relief that he and Buffy had settled their quarrels and she was okay with him and TJ’s friendship. Sitting with her at the Spoon with Andi was so relieving he wanted to cry.  
  
His phone buzzed in his pocket. He stopped walking to read and reply to the notification (for someone as accident-prone as he was, texting and walking was a dangerous action). Looking down at his phone, he saw a text from TJ. He wondered if he could sense that he was on his mind.  
  
With that came a spike of anxiety. _I haven’t responded to any of his messages since my fight with Buffy shit shit shit_ , Cyrus scrambled to open his phone and see the message.

 **TJ** : Is everything ok?? I havent heard from you?? 

**TJ:** is there a reason ur ignoring me underdog

TJ didn’t strike him as the type of person to double text. Let alone try to reach out to him for days with no response. He cared about Cyrus enough to keep trying. It weirdly warmed his heart, to know that a guy like TJ wanted to be friends with someone as small and low on the social food chain as him.

**Me:** i was in an argument with Buffy/// it’s not a big deal!! we’re better now dw i just was too upset to text back

**TJ :** what was the fight about

**Me:** Nothing really.

**TJ:** sureeeee. You can say it was about me i promise i wont bite yours OR buffys head off underdog

**Me:** I’ll tell you more about it later dw,, i just need to actually finish walking home. I stopped to respond and now im just kinda chilling on the sidewalk??

**TJ:** cant walk and text at the same time?

**Me:** what kind of CRIMINAL do u take me for tj??????

On the rest of his walk home, he felt his phone buzz inside of his pocket three or four times. He wondered if TJ was normally this eager to talk to people. Was Cyrus special to him? It was a weird thought for him to have, but a nice one.

Once he got home and comfortably flopped onto his soft bed, he pulled out his phone to check his text messages once again. He had a text from Jonah Beck! The image of his name on his phone caused his heart to flutter.

**Jonah <333: ** Hey (: I just wanted to thank u again for helping me out. Ur the best cy-guy

**Me:** No problem. It’s not like I was doing anything anyway. Besides, I AM the #1 Space Otters fan. Why wouldn’t I help you out?

**Jonah <333: ** I meant more than just the fundraiser. Thank u for helping me with my… problem

Cyrus slammed his phone onto his bed at that moment, his heart beating out of his chest. Jonah Beck was  _ thanking  _ him for personally helping him. He had no clue how to cope with this.

**Me:** Of course! What are friends for?

**Jonah <333: ** That’s why ur the best

Cyrus wanted to screenshot that text and frame it. He knew Jonah liked Andi; it made talking about his boy problems nearly impossible. Andi tended to be more focused on  _ her  _ boy problems.  _ That’s because she has a shot at getting the boys,  _ he told himself dejectedly. God, he just wanted a friend to vent to.

It wasn’t his top priority at the moment. He looked at his other texts: one from TJ, and two from the groupchat with Andi and Buffy. He remembered how terribly he was going to miss Buffy. Maybe he could push Jonah problems away and focus on that. The problems could wait, like, three days… couldn’t they?

Ah, one could only hope.

  
****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 is being homophobic and wont let me put emojis in my story. Cyrus has a basketball and star emoji next to TJ's name in his phone


	2. Coping with Hetero Existence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cyrus doesn't know who he can vent to about the fact that his best friend and his crush kissed right in front of him. He turns to the only friend who exists outside of the situation

Cyrus had a  _ simple  _ request. He asked for one thing and one thing only: that his boy troubles would be able to be put off until  _ after  _ he was done coping with the fact that his best friend was leaving him. But, the universe was cruel to him. Instead, he was forced to watch Jonah and Andi kiss  _ right in front of his face _ . Well, before that he had to sit and watch him sing a song dedicated to her.  _ Then _ he was treated to the lovely kiss.

Earlier that day, the good hair crew had simply been eating at the Spoon when the news that Andi had  _ two  _ boys came out. Walker was cute and artistic… he seemed right for Andi. He cared for her, enough to draw a portrait of them as a going-away present for Buffy. His face lit up when he looked at Andi in a way that Jonah’s couldn’t.

When he departed, Cyrus and Buffy were in giggles. Andi rolled her eyes at the reaction. “It’s nothing serious,” she tried to reassure them. “Well, we  _ did  _ go on a date… but it was just the one!”

“He’s cute  _ and _ an artist,” Buffy smirked. “Not to mention he  _ notices  _ your emotions. Could it be a better boy than Jonah Beck? A more expressive one? I do believe I saw more than two facial expressions.”

“Oh, hush,” Andi retorted. “Jonah’s not a  _ bad  _ guy. He’s just… not good at talking to people. Or reading social cues. Or communicating emotions. But that’s not the point the point is-”

The bell of The Spoon’s door chimed and in walked Jonah Beck with his beaming grin. He was passing out flyers to an open mic. Apparently, he played guitar now.  _ Could he get any more attractive?  _ Cyrus commented to himself. His heart fluttered at the thought of listening to Jonah sing and play. Imagine if it were for  _ him _ .

“Musician versus Artist,” Buffy gasped before chuckling. “However will Miss Andi Mack make her decision?”

“Haha, very funny,” Andi sighed. “I really wish I didn’t have to deal with this. It was bad enough dealing with  _ one  _ boy. Dealing with two is two too many.”

Cyrus at this point let out an audible groan. “You’re lucky to have two boys fighting over you! Do you know how many boys I have, Andi? ZERO. Zilch. Nada. Zero boys.”

“You have TJ!” Andi responded, looking slightly guilty.

He replied with an eyeroll. “TJ Kippen? The ultra confident athlete? He’s not exactly pining after me. The boy’s as straight as a ruler.”

Buffy let out an audible, and unattractive sounding, cackle to the point where her milkshake almost came out of her nose. “Yeah, if you have one of those bendy rulers.”

“You’re absurd,” Cyrus scoffed. “Besides, even if he  _ were  _ gay, which he isn’t, I would definitely not be his first choice of boy.”

Buffy merely kept the smirk on her face as she continued to eat her baby taters. Cyrus knew that look well. It was the look of  _ I know I’m right and you can’t change my mind _ . The thought of TJ being anything other than a typical straight jock had never even crossed his mind; he didn’t know what Buffy saw that made her think otherwise. Maybe he flirted accidentally with some of the guys on the basketball team or something.

“You know, sometimes I think Jonah likes you more than he likes me,” Andi’s expression was a mixture of both humor and genuine disappointment. “He seems to be able to talk to you more at least. I wouldn’t be surprised if he liked you.”

“Puh-lease, Andi Mack,” Cyrus chuckled. “He’s head over heels for you. He didn’t ask  _ me  _ to be his girlfriend. Well, that would be weird for him to do in any circumstance… Anyway, the point is, don’t poke fun. You’ll give me false hope.”

The false hope comment was said jokingly, though he  _ did  _ feel it. Sometimes Jonah would say something or give him a certain look and it gave him just a  _ glimmer  _ of hope that he could be interested in him. But that hope was ripped away.

He watched Andi and Jonah kiss and felt the bile rise in his throat. Sure, he feigned a smile, but jealousy ate him up inside. He left the Red Rooster without saying a word to anyone; he just wanted to get home. Once he was home, he could sulk in peace. Well, half-peace? He worried about his mom psychoanalyzing him to try and figure out what’s wrong with him.

Maybe he would avoid going home for a bit. Maybe he just needed to time alone to think. Cyrus was feeling bad about himself that was for sure; he walked mindlessly to the swingset, shooting a text to his mom saying he would be home a little later. He made up a lie about getting food with Jonah and his friends to celebrate his success at the open mic. He didn’t  _ want  _ to look at Jonah at the moment. The thought of him hurt.

Cyrus was swinging, staying low to the ground. He just kind of let the tears flow freely as he went back and forth. Then, he felt his phone buzz. Wiping the tears from his eyes to unblur his vision, he looked at who texted him. He had muted notifications from the groupchat with Buffy and Andi for the moment so he knew it wasn’t them. Seeing TJ’s name pop up on the screen was a little surprising.

**TJ:** wyd

**Me:** oh just sitting in the dark feeling bad abt myself so nothing different from my normal schedule wbu??

**TJ:** are you home??? do you need someone to complain to? you can talk to me

**Me:** im just chilling on the swings crying ur good fam

**TJ:** im on my way

Cyrus didn’t  _ ask  _ TJ to join him; he had decided it himself. Cyrus thought about the comments Buffy and Andi had been making at the Spoon earlier that day but shoved the thought off. He was just a good friend, someone Cyrus knew he could rely on.

“You know, when you said you were sitting in the dark, I imagined pitch darkness in your room or something. Feeling bad about yourself, Underdog?” TJ’s voice startled Cyrus, who was deeply lost in thought. “Didn’t mean to scare you like that.”

“You’re fine. I was just thinking…” Cyrus smiled weakly, his eyes were shining wet with tears still clinging. “It’s nothing serious.”

TJ took the swing next to him and sighed. “You don’t  _ have  _ to talk to me, but I wish you did. I can’t help you with your stuff if I don’t know what that stuff is, you know? I’m not a mind reader.”

Cyrus looked at him. The low lighting of the night time and the streetlamps cast interesting shadows on his face. TJ was pretty. His green eyes were expressive; they caught the light of the lamps and flickered with concern. Cyrus caught himself staring and cleared his throat. “Tomorrow is the last full day I have with Buffy and I had to watch Andi kiss Jonah in front of my very own eyes and now I feel as if I’m going to be completely alone with no support system once Buffy leaves because I have no one who  _ gets  _ the entire situation that I’m feeling without being directly involved in it and I just don’t want to have to deal with this by myself because it’d be too much for me to bear.”

His words came out rapidly without breaths in between them. TJ placed a hand on his shoulder. “Breathe. What’s the situation? You may not have Buffy but you have me. It’s not much- I’m not much, but it’s something.”

Cyrus took a deep breath. “Well--” he paused. “I need you to promise that you won’t hate me or think of me as weird or gross or stop being friends with me or anything if I tell you okay?”

His hands were trembling now, he bit his lip nervously. TJ just nodded. “Listen, unless you’ve killed someone or, like, genuinely enjoy Nickelback or something, I don’t think there’s much that you could do that’d throw me off.”

Cyrus was gripping the swing’s chain so tightly now that his knuckles were ghost white. “If you want to know the situation that upset me so badly… my best friend kissed my crush right in front of me. And I don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like this pathetic sad gay boy who has nothing better to do than pine over unrequited feelings.”

“Wow,” TJ replied.

“Wow? I open up to you about one of my deepest secrets and the problems that have been plaguing me and all I get is  _ wow _ ?” Cyrus scowled. “Thanks for the emotional support.”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” TJ gave a nervous chuckle. “It was more of an in-awe wow. Or like a  _ I’m proud of you  _ wow. Anyway, that situation sucks ass. I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault. You didn’t kiss my best friend right in front of me,” Cyrus shrugged. “Please don’t do that. I mean, I don’t think you would. The only best friend left is Buffy and I think she’d snap your neck if you even attempted.”

“I think I like having my mouth attached to my face so I’ll pass,” he joked before pushing off the ground and swinging higher again.

Cyrus pumped with his legs, going a little bit higher than he would normally. Something about being in this situation made him less afraid to take risks. Feeling the wind through his hair was kind of nice actually. The dark made it kind of easier to not focus on the ground, though swinging through a void was also kind of terrifying. It was just easier if he didn’t think about it. Most things happened to be easier if you just didn’t think about them. Unfortunately, he was cursed with the inability to stop thinking about literally everything around him. He stopped pumping his legs and let the swing’s momentum come to a full stop.

Cyrus noticed TJ jumping out of his swing after his came to a full stop. The fact that he could just leap out of a swing going that high made him anxious from just watching it. If Cyrus attempted to do something remotely similar, he’d break at least one bone.

“I still don’t know how you do that,” he shuddered. “One day you’re going to break an ankle and I’m not trained in first aid.”

TJ ruffled his hair and flashed a confident smile. “I’m not going to break an ankle. I’ve done it since I was a little kid. You’re very neurotic. I don’t mean that as a bad thing, I’m not trying to insult you I’m just-”

Cyrus laughed. “I get it. I know I’m an anxious mess. You’ve  _ seen  _ my family. Four mental health professionals can do quite the number on a kid.”

The other boy shook his head with a large smile on his face. Cyrus wondered how often TJ smiled when he wasn’t around. After all, his perspective on who the basketball player was seemed to be completely different than everyone else’s. They just sat in the quiet night looking at each other for a bit. The night managed to somehow soften TJ’s features. It was strange. Cyrus couldn’t stop fixating on it.

“It’s getting late. We should both be heading home,” TJ broke the intimate silence between them. “Listen, if the whole bullshit with Jonah and Andi gets too much for you, just give me a call. I’ll be there for you. Even if it’s not that, I’m still here for you.”

Cyrus nodded. “Thank you, TJ.”

When he got home, his face was still red and puffy from crying. He still felt hurt by the situation with Jonah. He left the texts from Jonah and Andi unread, only reading what Buffy had to say to him. His phone buzzed, and it was another text from TJ.

**TJ:** goodnight underdog. sleep well.

It felt nice to know he didn’t have to cope with this alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this winded up being a bit more tyrusy than intended but i promise i will throw in some jyrus moments eventually. jonah is just not present atm and too busy being dumb


	3. More Green Eyes in the Moonlight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonah helps comfort Cyrus after Buffy leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally some good fucking jyrus. im sorry this took so long. i've had no jyrus muse

Lost. Confused.  _ Hurt _ . Betrayed. Cyrus wasn’t exactly sure how to pinpoint the emotions he felt when he looked into Buffy’s barren house, knowing she left them all without saying goodbye. Heartbreak never went down easy; his chest cavity felt like it had been cracked open and everything was torn up and leaking out. This hit harder than  _ anything  _ his crush on Jonah had made him feel. He and Andi were… abandoned. It stung.

They stood in silence on her porch for at least five minutes. No one moved or spoke, the only sound able to be heard was the sniffling coming from the two remaining members of the Good Hair Crew. Cyrus  _ wanted  _ to move, but his feet had been replaced with concrete permanently affixed to the porch.

It was Jonah who broke the moment by wrapping an arm around both of them and pulling them closer to him. “Come on, guys, we should go,” he said. His voice was tinged with sadness (he cared for Buffy, after all), but it was nowhere near comparable to the despair the other two were feeling at this moment. As a result, Jonah had to take on the role of caretaker in this situation. “I’ll walk you guys home, okay?”

Cyrus nodded, trying to ignore how nice it felt to have his arm around him. Andi agreed as well. “Just… I want to go to Pops and Cece’s. I need time alone in AndiShack. Things need to be stress beaded if you feel me.”

“Yeah, of course,” Jonah replied before turning to Cyrus. “Mom’s or dad’s house? I know how to get to your dad’s house  _ better  _ but I could do both. You just have to show me the way.”

“Dad’s. It’s a shorter walk; I wouldn’t want you having to walk forever,” Cyrus tried to muster up a small smile. “Thank you though.”

“No problem, Cy,” Jonah’s smile helped ease the pain, even if just a little. “I would have done either for you, you know.”

Jonah needed to stop saying everything so… romantically. Cyrus was going to misinterpret his intentions; he  _ knew  _ Jonah was a hopeless case, so why did his heart have to beat so fast whenever he spoke like that? He was able to calm down a little bit since he first started liking him; now his heart only beat a little faster with excitement and the blush only creeped onto his cheeks on occasion. But when he acted like  _ this _ , it was hard to suppress any kind of reaction.

They walked to AndiShack in relative silence. There were very few words; he imagined Andi and him would have something to talk about later when the initial shock wore off. She needed to blow off steam alone; he understood that. The only issue was that now he had  _ neither  _ of his best friends to talk to. Andi was the only person he had who  _ completely  _ understood how badly everything ached right now and she was closed off.

Jonah and Andi gave an incredibly awkward hug goodbye before Andi stormed into her fortress of solitude. It was just the two boys now, walking alone in a somber silence. Cyrus looked down at his feet as he took each individual step, too afraid and depressed to break the silence.

“I’m sorry,” Jonah was once again the one to initiate conversation. “I know this must really suck for you. You and Andi both seem to be having a really hard time processing this.”

“Look at you, all in touch with people’s feelings,” Cyrus playfully bumped into him as they were walking. “It’s just… ever since we were  _ seven,  _ it’s been the three of us… it’s just weird for a group who was always so inseparable to be indefinitely separated… without even a goodbye. Six years of friendship and I can’t even get a goodbye.”

“Yeah… it seems so weird for Buffy to do that. I can’t imagine feeling like that,” Jonah pursed his lips. “I mean, at least we have phones and stuff. You can always call and text each other? It’s not like you can never talk to her again. Besides, you still have Andi and me… and  _ TJ. _ ”

Why did Jonah say TJ’s name so… like that? If Cyrus didn’t know any better, he would accuse the other boy of being jealous of his friendship with TJ. “You’re right. I appreciate my friendships with all of you more than the world! But… it’s not  _ Buffy. _ It’s all different. I’m not sure if you’d understand exactly what I mean.”

Jonah gave a smile, though it was off. It wasn’t the signature Jonah Beck grin; this one was tinged with a little bit of sadness. “I know I don’t exactly understand. But I can try to? For you and Andi?”

Cyrus felt the butterflies in his stomach. He  _ knew  _ Jonah was just being Jonah Beck as always but something about the way he spoke to him (despite it feeling like the way he spoke to everyone) made him feel so incredibly special. He put Cyrus and Andi on equal levels here. Would he ever view him as equal to Andi in his affections? The thought caused Cyrus’s whole chest and gut to feel fluttery.

He looked at Jonah, whose pale green eyes were so prettily illuminated by the moon. “You really have no idea how wonderful you are. You would really be here for us like that?”

While not completely stopping their walk, Jonah slowed down the pace significantly and grabbed Cyrus’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.  _ Please, Jonah, you have to know how much you’re playing with my emotions _ .

“Of course I would be there for you both. You guys are important to me, after all,” he squeezed his hand again. “You’ve been there for me, despite my…  _ you know _ . Attacks.”

“Speaking of which, if you go inside of my house, there  _ is  _ a chance my dad will pull you aside in private to ask you about how you’re faring. Are you prepared to handle that?” Cyrus asked, cocking an eyebrow.

“I think I’ll be able to handle that,” Jonah chuckled. “I’ve been thinking about maybe getting therapy to help find ways to manage it.”

“That’s great, Jonah!” Cyrus told him, his face lighting up. “I’m sure my parents could give you a bunch of resources, especially if you’re not comfortable seeing any of them. Which would be understandable because, despite the fact that I wouldn’t know anything due to doctor-patient confidentiality, it may still feel weird talking to your friend’s dad about your issues.”

Jonah nodded, yet his face still contained a hint of worry. “Does your family have to know? That you’re in therapy? Or can you, like, keep it a secret from them?”

Cyrus had never heard Jonah mention his family before. This was a… concerning first mention for him. Why wouldn’t he want his parents to know that he was seeking professional help? “You’re a minor so I think you need the consent of a parent to get treatment. Is there something wrong with asking your parents to help you get therapy?”

His eyes darted to the ground. “It’s nothing to worry about. I just don’t think they’d be very open to the idea is all. They’re not very… keen on emotional stuff and mental stuff like that, you know? It’s not a big deal. Really.”

This only filled Cyrus with more concern, yet Jonah seemed desperate to drop the conversation. Not wanting to cause another panic attack, Cyrus simply made a mental note to revisit the topic later. Perhaps at a time when they were both more emotionally stable.

“Just so you know. There’s nothing wrong with getting help,” Cyrus told him. “Your parents should know that. But, I’ll move on if that’ll make you more comfortable.”

“Please,” Jonah replied, his breath hitching a bit.

“Consider the topic dropped,” Cyrus gave Jonah’s hand a gentle squeeze. He was surprised by how his hands felt. They were mostly smooth and soft, with tiny calluses on his top knuckles and fingertips. The sensation of holding hands with Jonah Beck was going to be in his memory forever.

Then there was a tiny twinge of guilt. He was so lost in the bliss of holding hands with his crush that he had forgotten that this  _ also  _ meant he was holding hands with the guy that Andi had just kissed (he wasn’t sure if they were officially dating or not, but that didn’t really make it any better). Whatever! Andi had kissed him directly in front of him as if it was no big deal! Platonic hand holding was  _ nothing  _ compared to that kind of betrayal. It was only platonic, after all… as disappointing as that was.

Cyrus was so hyperfixated on the situation at hand that he hadn’t even realized they were already at his house. It wasn’t until they reached the cobblestone walkway (his dad had an appreciation for historic design) that he was aware the two had reached their intended destination. It saddened him ever so slightly; he didn’t want to part ways with Jonah at all. He would be alone again.

“We’re here,” Jonah said as they walked up to the porch. “I guess this is goodnight?”

“It doesn’t have to be!” Cyrus chimed in, perhaps a little bit too enthusiastically. “I mean, you could come inside for a bit? If you want to, of course. I understand if you don’t. I think my stepmom bought some cookies from that Italian bakery that just opened because she wanted to try them out. I’m sure it’s okay if we eat some.”

“Ah, Cy-guy, you always know the way to my heart is through my stomach,” he laughed softly. “I guess I could come in for a bit. Besides, you still look like you could use a friend here for you.”

The two walked into the foyer, taking off their jackets and placing them on the coat rack before heading further into the house. Cyrus led Jonah into the kitchen, where the two boys slumped onto the stools by the counter and opened the box of pizzelle cookies. It seemed as if his parents had already made their way through it.

He heard footsteps coming down from the stairs and headed towards his direction. He looked up from the pretty pink box (not having yet grabbed a cookie) and saw his dad enter the kitchen. “Ah, you’re home! Hi, Jonah.”

“Hey, Mr. Goodman,” Jonah gave a nervous wave. “Um… I was wondering if… um… If it was okay if Cyrus and I ate some of the cookies? I didn’t want to take one without asking.”

“Sure, help yourself. Sharon always buys more than we can eat anyway,” he reassured him. “Well, more than we  _ should  _ eat. Trying to maintain a healthy weight and all. How was Buffy?” Norman asked, instantaneously seeing his son’s face fall. “Sore subject, I see. I apologize.”

“It’s fine,” Cyrus responded, taking a bite out of the thin cookie. “She wasn’t there when we went to drop off the time capsule. She just… left. Without saying goodbye.”

Norman gestured to the empty barstool, asking to sit. Cyrus nodded. “That doesn’t sound like her at all. I know how much you all care for each other.”

“I know! It’s terrible!” Cyrus sulked, taking another bite. “These cookies don’t taste like how they look and that’s  _ also  _ weird and kind of terrible.”

“They’re meant to taste like licorice. They’re pizzelles. If you don’t like them, you don’t have to eat them,” he told him.

“No. I’m still eating them. I don’t  _ hate  _ them. They’re just… confusing. I thought they would taste like lemon for some reason.”

His dad rolled his eyes and smiled. “I know you’re going through a rough patch right now but at least you’ve got other friends here to help you out, right? Buffy will come around. I think she just doesn’t want you to see her so sad and upset.”

“That  _ does  _ sound like Buffy,” Cyrus replied. “I just… wish she could have set that pride aside. Thank you though, Dad. For trying to help me see it.”

“I’m a doctor, what else am I supposed to do?” he laughed, before turning to Jonah. “Hey, Cyrus? Is it okay if I talk to Jonah a bit one-on-one? I just want to check up on some things. Confidentiality, you know.”

“I know,” Cyrus hopped down from the stool. “And I know about the anxiety and the panic attacks. You don’t have to be so vague about it. He told me.”

Norman raised an eyebrow and looked at both of the boys now. “You did?”

Jonah nodded. “I did.”

“I’m impressed. You were hesitant to tell your friends,” he smiled. “But, Cyrus?”

“I know, I know,” Cyrus chuckled. “I’m already gone. I’ll be in my room when the therapy session with my dad is over, okay?”

He teased but he was genuinely glad his dad was checking up on Jonah. It wasn’t the same as having an  _ actual  _ therapist, but it was the closest Jonah was going to get it seemed. At least for a little while.

Now, Cyrus was sprawled out onto his bed, waiting for the talk to be over. He pondered what he was going to do now. Life was going to be different; Andi was always so concerned with what was going on in her own chaotic life… was Cyrus just going to be completely ignored? Then, as if fate herself had called upon him to alleviate his inevitable depressive spiral, his phone dinged.

**TJ:** how are you holding up?

His phone dinged again, the text this time having an image attached. He opened it, and there was a picture of an adorably fluffy cream-colored cat with soft amber eyes. She was stretched out on her back, exposing her fluffy tummy.

**TJ:** i assumed u were feeling kinda bummed. her name is macaroni btw

**Me:** oh my god????  i love her asjdsflfhlhf i am bummed but this cat has brought light into my life

**Me:** thanks for checking on me btw. it’s really sweet of you

**TJ:** well jonah asked me to sign a basketball as a going away present for buffy. the whole team was acting like someone died.

**TJ:** but i know that ur probably taking this a lot harder than all of them. i saw how much u were struggling a few days ago after all.

**Me:** so you sent me a picture of a cat?

**TJ:** hey. not just any cat. i sent you a picture of MY cat. Macaroni

**TJ:** besides. cat pictures always help lighten any situation

**TJ:** when i die i want my funeral to be covered in nothing but cat pictures.

**Me:** ill make note of that ahldhlhlhf

**Me:** somehow talking to you makes me feel better

Jonah opened the door. “Hey. Who are you texting with such a big smile on your face? A girl?” he teased. Jonah was usually so oblivious… why did he notice his expression  _ now _ ? Jonah “I’ve Never Recognized A Social Cue in My Life” Beck!

“No, I’m not texting a girl,” Cyrus rolled his eyes. Jonah was observant enough to see the smile on his face but oblivious enough to think he was interested in girls. “It’s no one really. Just TJ.”

“Oh,” Jonah all of a sudden became a lot stiffer and his voice had a slightly colder tone to it when he spoke next. “Cool. What are you guys talking about? Anything interesting going on?”

“He wanted to know how I was feeling. With Buffy and stuff,” Cyrus answered. “He mentioned the basketball thing. I think it’s impressive that you got him to do that, in all honesty. I thought he’d be too proud.”

“He seemed kind of happy to do it,” the other boy responded. “Like, he  _ genuinely  _ wanted Buffy to see his signature.”

“Maybe he’s trying to put his old hostility aside,” Cyrus smiled. “Letting bygones be bygones. It would have been nice for him to do  _ before  _ she left, you know. I would have been saved a lot of extra stress and mental breakdowns over balancing both friendships but it’s  _ fine _ .”

Jonah laughed. “Better late than never, I guess?”

“I guess,” Cyrus sighed. “I just hate when friends fight. I’m a mediator! I like to mediate things! Fighting is very uncomfortable for me.”

The two sat in his room for a bit longer, chatting nonstop about nothing in particular. The conversations just rambled on over trivial topics and minor gossipings. Cyrus felt less afraid, less hurt, less alone. Especially with Jonah by his side. Or TJ.

“It’s getting  _ really  _ late,” Jonah told him. “I should probably head home. I don’t want my parents getting angry at me for staying out too late. Thanks for having me over though. I enjoyed it.”

“I should be thanking you,” Cyrus replied with a friendly shove. “It would have been a lot harder to get through if I were alone.  _ Thank you _ . Can my dad at least give you a ride home? It’s really dark and the thought of you walking alone is worrisome.”

Jonah nodded and gave a small wave goodbye before heading downstairs and out of the house. Cyrus watched out of his window as his father’s headlights went on and away from the house. He flopped back down onto his fluffy bed and sighed, a small smile plastered on his face, despite the sadness he was still feeling.

“You’re one of a kind, Jonah Beck.”


	4. Amy Sherman-Palladino Level Bickering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Buffy is gone, Cyrus tries to hang out with his guy friends to quell the hurt. It goes about as well as one would expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're legally allowed to kill me for not updating. I've been hella busy with school.

Life without Buffy Driscoll was  _ exhausting.  _ Cyrus was officially Andi’s #1 go-to source for complaints about Jonah Beck. Well, her only go-to source that wasn’t her mom. Listening to every flaw that Jonah contained and how frustrating he was sure did make Cyrus feel a  _ little  _ better about not being in her shoes (despite how badly he wanted to be there).

“You know, Andi,” he said one day at the Spoon over a basket of baby taters and some milkshakes. “You make it  _ really  _ hard to live vicariously through you when you complain about Jonah’s mere existence so much.”

Her head tilted to the side. “What do you mean? Why would you need to live vicariously through me?” Her voice was laced with  _ genuine  _ confusion, emitting a tired sigh from Cyrus.

“Um, hello? I watched you  _ kiss  _ Jonah Beck! I’ve only wanted to do that for  _ months  _ you know. What was it like? Were his lips soft? Was it a nice kiss?” he rested his chin eagerly within his hands, waiting for her response.

“It was… weird. A little awkward,” Andi admitted with a nervous chuckle. “I mean, first kisses are always a little awkward though, right? And I guess he wasn’t really  _ expecting  _ me to kiss him, so I think he was just a little off-guard. It wasn’t a bad kiss… just… weird? I guess? I don’t know, it was a first kiss.”

“Listen. My first kiss experiences are  _ not  _ universal. I don’t  _ know  _ what a normal first kiss to someone you’re attracted to is like!” Cyrus replied with a groan. “I was hoping for a definition of sparks or  _ something _ . You bore me, Andi Mack.”

“I’m sorry my relationship that you’ve invested yourself in isn’t picture perfect,” Andi rolled her eyes and laughed. “What are your thoughts, Buffy?”

They had taken to bringing around the abandoned time capsule Buffy to cope with the fact that it had been over two weeks since she moved and she still hadn’t talked to them. The time capsule, being an inanimate hunk of metal, gave no response. They both nodded at the silence.

“I wish  _ real  _ Buffy were here,” Cyrus said with a pout. “No offense, TCB, you’re a good replacement, it’s just… not the original.”

“I’m at the point where I’m tempted to call  _ Amber  _ to hang out,” Andi joked. “Well. Not that desperate. But close.”

Cyrus watched as Andi’s phone went off with a text. She looked at it, her face momentarily lighting up before she ignored the message once more. It was… confusing. That was for sure. “Okay. What was  _ that _ ?”

Andi quickly hid her phone under the table. “What was what? I just… got a text is all. Nothing that needs psychoanalyzing.”

“I just find it  _ interesting  _ how you were clearly happy to get that text, yet sighed and left it unanswered. I know you. You respond to texts pretty frequently. What’s up?”

“It’s just Walker. Not a big deal,” she shrugged, the whole situation  _ obviously  _ being a big deal.

“Ah, I always love when you do that,” Cyrus smirked at her knowingly, winking one of his warm brown eyes.

“When I do what?”

“You always  _ say  _ something’s no big deal, or nothing to worry about, or it's fine, when we  _ know  _ it's the exact opposite!” he explained, only slightly exasperated. “It's an Andi Mack signature. And, yes, it  _ does  _ need my psychology skills. What's the sitch with Walker now?”

“You know, sometimes I hate your psychology parents,” Andi responded with a groan, her lips pursed tightly. “Walker just texts me sometimes… and I like hearing from him, I do! I just… don't respond. Ever.”

Cyrus wasn't sure how to respond to her immediately because, frankly, he didn't quite understand the course of action that Andi took 80% of the time. So, instead, he just shoved baby taters into his mouth until his brain would let him think of a response. It took about nine taters of processing time for him to craft the clever response of “Why not?”

“Well… I’m with Jonah now. I don't want to be texting another guy! I feel like that'd be unfair to him, you know?”

Cyrus took an elongated, dramatic sip of his milkshake before he crafted his reply. “It's a text message, not a love proclamation, Andi. You can text the boy back without hurting Jonah’s feelings. He's not  _ fragile _ .”

As he spoke, his phone buzzed and a notification from TJ popped up. Cyrus smiled to himself as he read it.

**TJ:** hey! got any plans for the day?

**Me:** im at the spoon with andi rn but after that im free

“Is Jonah texting  _ you  _ back?” Andi asked.

Cyrus looked at her in confusion, instinctively pulling his phone closer to his chest for some reason. “No. I wasn't texting Jonah at all. Why'd you ask?”

“That look on your face,” she teased. “It's your Jonah Beck look.  _ Absolutely  _ smitten…” a brief pause. “Wait! If you're not texting Jonah, who  _ are  _ you texting with a smile like that?”

Cyrus scoffed. “I don't have a smile like anything. It's just my natural beauty,” he straightened his posture and flashed a faux-cocky smile. He set his phone down on the table again. A few seconds later, it buzzed once more. Andi craned her neck trying to see who sent him a message.

“No way!” Andi gasped. “You're texting  _ TJ  _ with that goofy smile on your face? You're lucky real Buffy isn't here to see this, she'd have your head! Do you  _ like  _ him?”

“No, I don't  _ like  _ him!” Cyrus said in a hushed voice. “And Buffy said she was fine with TJ and I being friends… so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Besides, even  _ if  _ I liked him, which I  _ don't,  _ nothing would come of it. He doesn't even like guys.”

Andi, overdramatically as always, covered time capsule Buffy’s ears. “Oh please! I have  _ eyes,  _ Cyrus. I saw you two together at your Bar Mitzvah. He couldn’t take his eyes off of you! Why don’t you go for him?”

“Because we don’t  _ like  _ each other. Well, I like him, but not like that. Just in, like, a bro way. You know. Two buds. Hanging out. Doing… stuff…” his point had, once again, marvellously gotten away from him.

“Ah, yes,” Andi responded with a hand flourish and an eyeroll. “Just like how you and Jonah are two buds hanging out doing bro stuff?”

He groaned, burying his face in his arms. “I really can’t stand you sometimes, Andi. Why can’t you let  _ me  _ do the psychoanalyzing? You didn’t even  _ register  _ the fact that I liked boys until a minute after I said I liked boys!”

He checked his phone, realizing he hadn’t actually  _ read  _ the message from TJ. He had been so preoccupied trying to explain to Andi how his feelings for the jock were completely and utterly nonromantic (to no avail of course, the girl was always a stubborn one), that he had completely forgotten to actually pay attention to the inciting text.

**TJ:** cool! i can meet you there actually and we can head to the park if you wanna?? its a nice day and you could always use some swinging

As he was about to spend time crafting the perfectly casual but not-too-casual response to TJ, his phone buzzed again. This time with a message from Jonah.

“Aren’t you popular today?” Andi remarked with a laugh, her own phone letting out a text tone. “Oh! It’s Jonah! Glad to know he’s  _ finally  _ decided to text me back. Of  _ course  _ the one time he actually asks  _ me _ to go somewhere instead of the other way around, I’m busy.”

“Busy?” Cyrus cocked his head. “With what? Did we have plans that I completely and utterly forgot about because if so I’m so sorry and I’m an utter waste of space.”

“You’re good, Cyrus,” she smiled and gave him a playful nudge. “I promised Bex I would go with her to do some stuff with the new salon. She wants help creating ideas so she has  _ something  _ to pitch to Cece. The thought of showing up to the meeting empty handed and with only a vague mental concept terrifies her. So, I offered my help. But Jonah asked to go to the park to practice his frisbee techniques. I’m gonna have to take a rain check on him, which sucks, but he’ll get over it.”

“Yeah, just don’t run into your other Casanova on the way there or you’ll break his little heart,” he teased, and read the message from Jonah. “Hmm. He asked me to go to the park with him to practice. I’ll tell him to meet us here, that way you can still talk to him before you head out?”

“You’re absolutely wonderful, Cyrus,” Andi winked as she popped another baby tater in her mouth. “You know, the greatest thing about these things is that they’re still edible when they’re only luke warm.”

Cyrus nodded in agreement, as the two went on into a mundane conversation about the important differences between fried potato-based foods. He finally texted a response to TJ, confirming their plans, so wrapped up in the starchy discourse that he had failed to realize he had double booked himself to be in the same place at the same time doing two different things with two different people.

He only realized his blunder when TJ wandered into the spoon, sneaking up behind him and wrapping his arms around Cyrus’s shoulders. “Heyyy, Underdog! Almost ready to head to the park?”

The look exchanged between Cyrus and Andi could best be described as a glance of pure and utter  _ what the shit _ . Andi’s face in particular registered a special brand of disappointment that cause Cyrus to want to shrivel within himself. The fact that he had fucked up dawned on him and now he just… had to deal with it. Hey, at least it was in the same place.

“Hey, TJ!  _ Slight  _ change of plans,” he winced as he spoke, indicating bad news was already coming. Luckily the jock’s face had yet to fall. He still had the same cute smile. “Jonah’s gonna be joining us at the park too! Is that okay with you?”

There it was. The strained smile paired with the hands in the pockets. A classic TJ Kippen move for when he was trying to  _ pretend  _ things were okay. “Jonah? Like  _ Jonah Beck?  _ Yeah. That’s fine. Absolutely great. Cool. Grand. What is it he says? Dosh? Dosh.”

“For the love of all that is good in this world,  _ never  _ say any variant of docious or magocious ever again,” Cyrus pleaded. “I can hardly tolerate it from Jonah. Are you sure you’re okay with it? You seem a bit… miffed.”

“Nah, I’m good. Great. Grand.  _ Swell _ , if you will,” TJ responded, as if adding more and more synonyms would assure Cyrus that he was 100% okay with this new addition. Yet, he seemed annoyed and refused to make eye contact. Cyrus cast Andi a helpless glance, but found that Andi seemed to be  _ amused  _ by how TJ was acting. His phone buzzed.

**Andi Samberg:** YIKES. TJ seems j e a l o u s

**Me:** shut up

“He wanted someone to help him practice frisbee throws and you  _ know  _ how incapable I am of saying no to Jonah,” Cyrus flashed TJ a classic wounded puppy look, hoping to soften his annoyance. To no one’s surprise, it had worked. The genuine smile creeped back onto his face, and he ruffled Cyrus’s dark curls.

“Oh, I know,” he teased. “You get away this once, loverboy.”

“How generous.”

“Ugh, stop flirting  _ right  _ in front of my lunch,” Andi groaned, sipping her strawberry milkshake. “It’s, like, totally gross. You know how I  _ hate  _ the gays.”

“Oh hush,  _ Pandi _ Mack,” Cyrus retorted. “We  _ all  _ know about your intense love for Stella Yamada from  _ Lemonade Mouth _ .”

“You know I’m kidding!” she playfully tapped his arm. “Besides,  _ Lemonade Mouth  _ is a great movie and Stella is a wonderful character!”

“Besides, we weren’t flirting!” TJ interjected finally, before adding in a quieter tone: “He’s into your boyfriend, remember?”

Andi’s eyes widened  by the sudden snippiness in his voice, not quite knowing how to respond except by taking another long, drawn out sip of her strawberry shake. When it ran out, she was going to be out of an excuse to avoid conversations.

“Any idea when Jonah’s supposed to get here?” Andi turned to Cyrus. “I really should be heading out soon and I don’t want to not see him before I leave.”

“You know that boy is an enigma to me,” Cyrus sighed. “He should be almost here now though. It doesn’t take terribly long to get here from his house, I don’t think. Although I’m not sure. I’ve never actually  _ been  _ to his house.”

“Come to think of it, neither have I,” Andi added. “He’s always come over to my place or we’ve gone somewhere else. He’s never even  _ mentioned  _ his parents to me before. Is that weird? Like, I know so much about other people’s families, even  _ Amber’s _ , but not my boyfriend’s? Hmm.”

TJ’s head perked up. “Did you mention an  _ Amber _ ? What’s her last name?”

“No clue actually,” Andi chuckled. “She works here though. Blonde, kinda mean, but cute. Like.  _ Really  _ cute. Why do you ask?”

“No reason in particular I guess,” TJ responded. It was an obvious lie, but Cyrus wasn’t going to bother prying into it more at the moment. Hell, he hadn’t even  _ thought  _ of Amber in quite a bit. He did wonder what she was up to. Just a little bit. 

The bell by the door chimed again, signalling another entry. Jonah Beck always had perfect timing; it matched his perfect… everything. Well, Jonah wasn’t  _ perfect _ ; Cyrus knew that much, but it sure was hard not to see him that way.

“Hey, Cy-Guy!” Jonah smiled as he walked into the Spoon, a galaxy patterned drawstring bag slung over his shoulder, giving him a handshake that turned into a weird one-armed hug. “Oh, hey Andi.”

“Hey, Jonah,” Andi spoke with a not-so-subtle trace of bitterness lacing the tone of her voice and a tiny wave, obviously displeased that Cyrus had received more attention than her.

“Hi, TJ,” TJ chimed in snarkily, greeting himself. “Looks like we’re double booked today, Beck. Think you can handle spending time with me?”

Was that… a  _ wink  _ exchanged between the two of them? Jonah’s initial tense stature upon seeing TJ relaxed and he gave a smile. “I think I  _ might  _ be able to manage a few minutes of my time with you, as long as Cyrus is there to mediate.”

“I am  _ so  _ sorry, Jonah. I forgot that when I said yes to you, I had already made plans with TJ, but I figured you would both be okay with it if we just all spent time together! I mean, the two of you are my two best guy friends and I just want to be able to spend time with the both of you without having to worry about the fact that I double booked myself and--”

“Cyrus!” both of the boys interrupted him at the same time. “You’re  _ fine _ .”

A relieved sigh. “I am? Oh thank god. I was so nervous; I’m not even sure if you’re friends or, like, if you even know each other.”

“Anyway, I gotta head out. Always something to do at the Mack household, you know?” Andi said, giving all three of the boys a wave goodbye. She walked to Jonah and, for a second, it seemed like she was going to give him a hug, before she turned around once more. “Um, bye.”

“She does so many things, doesn’t she? Anyway, I think the last time TJ and I spoke was…” Jonah’s voice trailed off.

“At your Bar Mitzvah actually. I helped Jonah with a… problem,” TJ paused in thought, turned to Jonah, and whispered (though not very quietly, so Cyrus was still able to hear) “Speaking of which, how are your seizures?”

“My  _ what? _ ”

“You know… at the bar mitzvah… when I saw you…” he gestured. “I didn't wanna say it out loud in case Cyrus doesn't know.”

The look on Jonah’s face was priceless. “Are you talking about my  _ panic attacks _ ? That's what they are, dude, not seizures.”

“Listen, I’m not a doctor. Don't expect me to be able to identify things,” TJ shrugged. “I was just trying to be a good friend and check up on you, you know?”

“Oh, so we’re  _ friends  _ now?” Jonah cocked an eyebrow and folded his arms. He seemed… defensive; Cyrus wasn't quite sure he liked the current vibe in the air. “Either way. I've been managing it— I've picked up music. Pretty good at it I think.”

“No use lollygagging when there are things to be done, am I right?” Cyrus laughed nervously, wringing his hands around each other. “Frisbees to be thrown. Swings to be… swung.”

“You’re right, underdog. Let’s head out! Don’t wanna waste anymore daylight. That alright with you, Beck?” TJ wrapped an arm around Cyrus before looking at Jonah, his chest puffed out.

“Just fine with me,” Jonah  _ also  _ moved to wrap an arm around Cyrus. He stood larger than normal, his typical, comfortable slouch was gone and replaced with a taller, stiffer posture. “To the park!”

They walked there in relative silence, though Cyrus felt increasingly awkward trying to walk with both boys’ arms wrapped around him. It was  _ one  _ thing to try to ignore the pounding of his heart from having two admittedly cute boys being affectionate with him; it was another thing entirely to decide whether or not he loved or hated trying to maneuver walking between the two. It was strange. He had never pictured Jonah or TJ being such affectionate friends.

The park had less people than expected, given how nice of a day it was (though a bit breezy for a good game of ultimate, Jonah complained). Cyrus had begun a few warm-up stretches, preparing himself to exert physical energy.

“I’m gonna do a quick lap around the park to warm myself up, get the energy going,” Jonah spoke with a smile already on his face. This always seemed to be one of the times he was genuinely stress-free. Cyrus, being one of his closer friends, had started to pick apart the classic Jonah Beck facade smile and a genuine grin. And, though rarer than one would think, the genuine Jonah Beck grin was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen.

Then there was TJ, who  _ also  _ had an incredibly beautiful, but rare smile. His was soft and loving and, according to Buffy, hardly ever seen not around Cyrus. After Jonah ran off to do his lap, he and TJ were left by themselves momentarily.

“I’m  _ so  _ glad you’re here, in all honesty,” Cyrus said with a soft chuckle as he pulled one elbow behind his head. “I mean, you’re way more athletic than I am. I probably wouldn’t be very useful at all to help Jonah practice.”

“Is that the only reason you’re glad I’m here?” TJ wasn’t following along with Cyrus’s stretching regimen. “To help you help  _ Jonah _ ?”

“Well‒ I‒  _ no _ ,” the other stammered, trying to figure out if he had done something upsetting. “I’m glad you asked me to hang out today too! It’s just a plus that you’re here as well. I mean, if we have time, we could swing afterwards!”

“Nice save,” TJ smiled, walking over to him and ruffling his hair. “You know, for someone who’s supposedly into Andi, Jonah should like Andi more.”

That earned a head tilt from Cyrus. “What do you mean?”

An eye roll. “When he walked into The Spoon today, the first person he greeted was  _ you _ . Andi was an afterthought. I figured he would try to hide it a little easier. But who knows, maybe he doesn’t realize that he’s not as into her yet.”

“Don’t be mean!” Cyrus pouted. “It’s not fair to say things like that and get my gay little hopes up, Tyler James Kippen. I don’t want to have to go through more heartbreak than I’m already going through.”

“Tyler James?”

“Yeah, it’s what I’m guessing TJ stands for,” Cyrus shrugged. “Anyway, you and Andi keep saying little things like that that are gonna make me think I have a shot with Jonah when I  _ don’t _ . I’d rather not be disappointed.”

“Tyler James… that’s certainly  _ a  _ guess. Just not the right one,” he replied. “I’m not giving you false hope. Just stating what I saw. I know how  _ devastating  _ having any romantic happenings with Jonah Beck can be.”

That sentence… took him back a bit, he wasn’t going to lie. How did TJ know anything about what it was like to have romantic feelings for Jonah? The two weren’t very close; they certainly didn’t seem to get along together now. He would have asked about it, had he not seen the frisbee player not too far off in the distance returning from his warm-up jog.

“Hey guys! Talking about me?” Jonah asked, slightly winded from his run. He must have noticed the  _ oh-shit  _ look exchanged between the other two boys because an awkward smile grew on his face as he kept speaking. “I was kidding… like, totally kidding!”

“We weren’t talking about you,” Cyrus guffawed. He didn’t know  _ why  _ he chose to speak. He was a horrible liar. Everyone knew he was a horrible liar. Yet, Jonah in all of his oblivious, goodhearted nature, chose to believe him.

“Oh, okay. You just had the weirdest looks on your faces,” he said. “Anyway, are you ready to practice some throws?”

“Well, yes and no,” Cyrus explained. “So, I don’t have my full vest with me, which means we can’t go too hard and risk something happening. I  _ only  _ have my drawstring bag which includes water for the three of us, three tiny bags of trail mix, three bags of apple slices, sunscreen and a tiny portable first aid kit. So, don’t go all out. I’m not completely prepared.”

TJ clapped him on the shoulder. “I think we’ll be fine, but if you insist. Besides, it’s not like frisbee is a painful, gruesome sport physically anyway. I mean,  _ Gus  _ plays it.”

“Hey, don’t undersell the amount of athletic skill it takes to play Ultimate well,” Jonah said. “I bet I can play basketball better than you could play frisbee. You only knock it down because you can’t play it yourself.”

“You learned to play basketball in gym class, Beck,” TJ rolled his eyes. “You know why? Because it’s an actual  _ sport  _ that people play and practice. But, even then, I doubt you could.”

Cyrus was watching this unfold, and wasn’t sure what to say to stop it. He  _ really  _ just asked for a nice time with his two closest guy friends but they seemed insistent on being overly competitive with one another. “Come on. Can we, and I never thought I’d say this,  _ please  _ start playing some kind of sport?”

He stepped back, watching as Jonah and TJ threw the disk back and forth to each other. He noticed how Jonah had been being more experimental with throws in this practice, throwing different trick shots that he never did at games, which TJ struggled to catch. Was he showing off? What Cyrus found to be almost as impressive was, despite the fact that it definitely took some physical exertion on his part, TJ had failed to miss a catch yet. So he continued spectating, ignoring the sporty competitive patter the two threw back and forth with the frisbee. There was one line Jonah said that caught Cyrus’s ear though.

“You still throw like you did back in second grade!” Jonah had said to TJ (to which TJ retorted “Better than you?” and Jonah replied “with no purpose!”). The two  _ had  _ known each other when they were younger then? It seemed to be a weird insult to throw around elsewise. He  _ definitely  _ had been too deep in thought about what the potential connection was, considering he failed to notice the bright blue disk headed straight for his forehead.

“Cyrus!” Jonah and TJ yelled in unison as they rushed over to him.

“You should be more careful where you’re throwing, Jonah!” TJ hissed. “Are you okay, underdog? Do you need anything?”

“You should have caught it quicker and it wouldn’t have hit him, TJ!” Jonah spat back. “Can I get you anything, Cy-Guy? Do you want me to see if there’s a place I can grab ice?”

The continued bickering of the two athletes was only making the pain throbbing in his head worse. He buried his head in his hands as he sat down on the grass, both of the others crouching next to him. “I don’t  _ care  _ whose fault it was! I would just  _ really  _ like some ice!” he groaned. A disgruntled  _ please  _ was added as an afterthought, for he had been preoccupied by his pain and annoyance.

“I’ll go grab you ice,” TJ sprang to his feet. “The snack stand probably has some for drinks or whatever. I’ll be right back, alright?”

Cyrus nodded as TJ sprinted off. Jonah was kneeling down, one hand on Cyrus’s shoulder. “Are you okay? I really should have been more careful where I was throwing it, but also TJ should have been paying more attention and he would have‒”

“It’s  _ fine _ , Jonah,” Cyrus told him. “It’s not like I have a concussion or anything. Just a little mishap. Nothing major. No need to get mad at yourself  _ or  _ TJ for it. Please don’t get mad at TJ. I already have enough friends who don’t like him.”

Jonah’s expression soured. “You and TJ, huh? I had no idea you were even friends until a little bit ago. Unexpected, but you like who you like. Gay rights or whatever.”

“I’m not gay,” Cyrus lied in perhaps the gayest manner possible, avoiding eye contact with the pretty boy he definitely was still crushing on. “TJ isn’t either. Well, not that I know of anyway. But he doesn’t  _ seem  _ gay. He looks like the kind of guy who would date girls, and I know a  _ bunch  _ of girls who would date him! Anyway, even if either of us  _ were  _ gay, which  _ neither  _ of us are, we’re just friends.”

“Oh, cool,” Jonah’s face still carried the same expression. In all fairness, that was perhaps the most long-winded and emotionally taxing  _ no homo  _ he had ever given, perhaps because he  _ definitely  _ knew it was at-least-kinda-homo on  _ his  _ side at least. But he wasn’t ready to come out to Jonah yet. But Jonah already suspected. Did he give out a gay vibe? Did that matter? Was he  _ trying  _ to give out a straight vibe?

“No problem, JB,” he laughed nervously. “Look, ice! TJ, my  _ absolute  _ hero!”

The basketball player smiled, his cheeks flushing ever-so-slightly as Cyrus spoke. His eyes darted towards the ground as he knelt down to Cyrus’s level. He lifted his gaze when he applied the ice, which was just a few chunks of ice cubes thrown into a plastic sandwich bag, to the injury. “You  _ might  _ have a bit of bruise. Sorry, underdog.”

Cyrus was  _ gay _ . He didn’t have a full-blown crush on TJ, not like he did on Jonah, but this scenario sure wasn’t helping. There was no need to add another layer of confusion onto this whole mess. “I’ll consider the bruise a battle scar. We don’t have to talk about the fact that I didn’t do any  _ actual  _ battling.”

“I can help you cover it if you want,” Jonah piped in. “I know how to cover up blemishes and do foundation and stuff pretty well. Or you could ask Andi and Bex! Bex does makeup professionally, so she’d probably be even better for that.”

“I’ll deal with the bruise but I appreciate the offer,” he thanked him for the help. “Though I had no idea you knew how to do makeup. That’s impressive. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who’d get into it. Who knew I was friends with such an artiste?”

“I’m more than my looks, Cyrus,” he teased back, giving him a playful punch on the arm. “Now, TJ here. He might just be looks.  _ Maybe  _ some athletics.”

“Wow, that really warms my heart, Jonah,” TJ feigned swooning. “At least I know you think I’m pretty now. I mean, you’re  _ right _ . I’m drop dead gorgeous. But give me more credit than that.”

“I said you had some athletics!”

“Some! I’m captain of the basketball team!”

This bickering was… different. Cyrus didn’t feel the immediate urge to put a stop to it out of fear that they’d lunge for the other’s jugular. Instead, the two seemed to be getting along like… friends? It was a wild experience surely. Heartwarming, perhaps.

He took a deep breath, and looked at his two closest guy friends. Sure, maybe his feelings were complicated, but he could appreciate nice moments like this. Perhaps, he had been focusing so nice on the moment, he had gotten lost in it.

“Cyrus!” TJ’s voice snapped him out of it. “Were you listening? Jonah has to head out soon, but we were gonna grab some ice cream before calling it a day. You in?”

“Oh yeah, totally!” Cyrus removed the ice pack from his head, revealing a faint, purple mark which got a few snickers from TJ and Jonah. He simply rolled his eyes, and wriggled his way in between them, each having an arm wrapped around him as they walked together.

Deep breath. Things were gonna be alright.


	5. Choosing and Not Being Chosen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonah and Andi seem to not like each other much, but Cyrus is always there to support him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a relatively short chapter, but partially bc it goes along with the next chapter but the two together would be disjointed and too long.

It had been a few weeks since the day at the park. Cyrus had some sort of hope that perhaps Jonah and TJ would become closer friends after that day, but they seemed to return to their state of not really talking to each other. It made sense, Cyrus supposed. Outside of Cyrus himself, the two didn’t really run in the same circles. Still, it was a nice thought that maybe the two were friends. At least they  _ could  _ be friends. Unless they were just getting along to placate him. That was possible.

He and Andi were still trying to adjust to a Buffy-less existence. The days had evolved into weeks which were evolving into months. The two friends were beginning to wonder if they were ever going to hear from the missing third musketeer again.

So, Cyrus had taken to hanging out with Jonah and TJ even more, trying to avoid double booking himself with the two boys again. Andi was fun to hang out with, of course, but there was also the neverending issue of her boy troubles. But, throughout this whole grieving process of Buffy refusing to talk to them after her departure, they really only had each other to fully understand the hurt of it all. Those kinds of things were irreplaceable, even with two beautiful green-eyed jocks by your side. Damn, he really  _ did  _ have a type.

Jonah texted him first. This was a true rarity in their friendship, or really in anyone’s relationship with Jonah Beck. He was never really the conversation starter, or the conversation carrier. It was a struggle  _ but  _ he was willing to not focus on his issues with communication; there were more important things to focus on. His soft brown hair, his gentle green eyes, the dimples in his 100-watt smile…

Losing himself in a daydream, he had almost forgot to check the actual message that was sent to him.

**Jonah <3: ** Hey! I need some new guitar strings and was wondering if you wanted to tag along to Red Rooster with me today?

**Me:** sure thing, j-dog!!

**Jonah <3: ** cool! meet you there in 40?

**Me:** can do!!!!

Were the exclamation points excessive? He only pondered this  _ after  _ he had sent the message, before realizing he only had a  _ very  _ narrow time frame to get ready. It was late morning, so he had already gotten dressed, but this didn’t make him freak out less. Well, Cyrus wouldn’t describe his actions as  _ freaking out,  _ perse, considering he had done a lot worse in Jonah-based situations. He appreciated how things developed; he was able to spend genuine quality time with Jonah without thinking his heart was trying to leap out of his chest via his throat. So, things were better.

Cyrus arrived to the record shop a good ten minutes before he was scheduled to meet Jonah and, knowing the other boy as well as he did, he could reasonably predict that Jonah was going to be at least five minutes late to their hangout. So, he was just browsing mindlessly through the albums, trying to see what music they carried. He was definitely not the  _ most  _ well-versed in music, but he enjoyed seeing how much of it existed. Did that mean it would shift him from listening to the same five artists on repeat? No. But it was nice to appreciate.

Andi was an unexpected sight in Red Rooster. What was  _ more  _ unexpected, however, were the rainbow shoes currently on her feet. Despite her insistence the shoes meant nothing, Cyrus chose to pick her apart more. She  _ definitely  _ still had some kind of feelings for Walker, but he knew she was going to leave them largely unaddressed.

Instead of choosing to talk about the pressing topic at hand, she asked him about P.E, causing Cyrus to go on a rant. This was her fault; she had pushed a button that was better left unpushed. The lesson from everything Andi did was that communication was important. Her and Jonah both struggled from the intense inability to talk to each other about what they were feeling or what they wanted. With the shoes from Walker on her feet, he struggled to figure out how she was going to handle this.

It was then that Cyrus realized he had forgotten to tell Andi that the entire reason he was in Red Rooster in the first place was because he was meeting Jonah… the exact person she was currently trying to  _ avoid _ . Oops. Well, he would just have to act awkward and surprised when Jonah walked in.

Much to absolutely no one’s surprise, when Jonah walked in, he focused largely on Andi and her new sneakers. Cyrus, not wanting to wrap himself up in more Jonah and Andi drama than he had already entangled himself into. Instead, he chose to walk away from the argument that was building up between the quarreling couple. He chose, rather, to focus on some saxophones that he saw on display.

Then he heard Jonah tell Andi that he wasn’t in the mood to buy guitar strings today, and watched as he walked out of the store. It hurt a bit, that Andi had overshadowed what was supposed to be a nice hangout moment between the two of them. He was then reminded that, to Jonah, Andi would  _ always  _ take precedence over him. Even if they had plans, and  _ that  _ stung most of all.

What frustrated him a little bit more about all of the drama was how  _ painlessly  _ it could all be fixed. The entire dilemma as to whether or not they were dating was an issue that could be  _ easily  _ solved by having a serious conversation. Andi spoke about how she kissed him, and that had to mean  _ something _ , when Cyrus politely reminded her that wasn’t always the case.

“Take it from the guy who kissed  _ Iris, _ ” he had said. Nothing better to bring your friend to reality than giving her the not-so-subtle reminder that, despite being a gay guy, you definitely kissed a girl.

“Good point,” Andi sighed, looking down at her feet. “I’m gonna head out. I think I’ve made a fool of myself enough for today. See you around?”

“See ya,” Cyrus said, watching as she walked out. Maybe he would text Jonah to see what was going on. It would be understandable if Jonah didn’t want to see him after the absolute disaster show that had taken place in the store. It was worth a shot.

**Me:** hey sorry about,,, all of that

He wasn’t absolutely sure about whether or not Jonah would reply, so he knew he would be stuck impulsively checking his phone every ten seconds hoping for some sort of response. He hadn’t even left the Red Rooster, still trying to process the entire shitstorm that had just occurred.

The text back from Jonah came a lot sooner than expected. They  _ did  _ have plans, after all. Maybe Jonah had also felt bad about what transgressed and regretted storming off, thus bailing on their plans.

**Jonah <3: ** not ur fault my dude. I realized i kinda bailed on our plans tho huh

**Me:** its fine!!!! did you want to grab the guitar strings or?

**Jonah <3: ** ...maybe. i didnt walk super far away so its not a huge deal to me.

**Me:** cool! im still here!!!

Cyrus had spent a few minutes shuffling through vinyls before the door chimed open again with an exhausted-looking Jonah entering. His expression changed, however, when he and Cyrus locked eyes. A sweet, classic Jonah Beck smile grew on his face as he walked closer.

“Sorry about… all of that,” Jonah said, casually browsing the album racks. “I can’t believe people still buy albums. I swear some of these are  _ ancient _ .”

Cyrus let out a laugh that was a lot louder than he meant it to be. “I don’t know. My stepdad likes them. He kind of got me into collecting them. I have a pretty cool record player.”

“There are easier ways to listen to music, you know,” Jonah let out a quiet chuckle and shook his head. “Like downloading it onto your phone or Spotify. And you can take it  _ anywhere  _ you’d like instead of just your room.”

“I know,” he shrugged in response. “But it’s cool and vintage. I guess I’m just an old soul, but there’s nothing wrong with that!” Cyrus, of course, acknowledged how much his argument made him sound like an insufferable hipster, but he was willing to take the risk. It wasn’t like he was trying to defend growing a man bun or anything after all.

Jonah sighed. There were definitely more things on his mind than albums and vinyls and guitar strings. “Do you think Andi still has feelings for that Walker guy? I mean, those shoes were… something.”

Jonah Beck,  _ the  _ Jonah Beck, was displaying… insecurity. It was something Cyrus was definitely not used to seeing, save for the bursts of anxieties and the struggles that he faced with coming to terms with it. He thought about what TJ said to him a few weeks ago-- for two people who claimed to like each other, Jonah and Andi really didn’t seem to like each other that much.

“Do you want the  _ honest  _ answer, JB?” Cyrus hesitated to give an answer, but Jonah nodded as if it were obvious. Of course he wouldn’t ask Cyrus to  _ lie  _ to him. “Well… I don’t know. I wish I could say no, but I wouldn’t give that answer in confidence. She tried to convince me that the shoes meant nothing, and I think she’s kinda trying to convince herself that too. But, if you ask me, I think the answer is yes--”

“Oh.” Jonah’s face registered as a melancholic disappointment.

“If it makes you feel better, and I don’t know if it will, she told him she couldn’t see him anymore,” Cyrus tried to console his friend while not throwing his other friend under the bus. It was a difficult dance to do, but he was trying his best.

“But she can wear the sneakers he made for her,” Jonah’s voice was laced with a bitter venom, as if he  _ knew  _ that if Andi heard them she would feel the full sting of his words. “Makes total sense to me.”

“She chose you,” Cyrus placed a hesitant hand on his shoulder, half afraid that Jonah would snap at him at the hint of a touch. His whole demeanor was  _ very  _ un-Jonah of him. Frightening. “I think anyone would.”

A small smile crept its way onto his face and, if Cyrus’s eyes weren’t hopelessly mistaking him, his cheeks developed a rosy tint. “Thanks, Cy.”

“Anytime,” he heard his own voice crack as he spoke and prayed Jonah didn’t hear it. It was cruel, how his own voice betrayed him.

“I guess I’m just under a lot of stress right now,” Jonah said as he walked over to the guitar strings, not even checking to see if Cyrus was following him. Jonah probably knew that he didn’t have to check; Cyrus would always follow him.

“Wanna talk about it? You know I’m all ears.”

“There’s a pretty big ultimate league that’s having tryouts and I’m trying out,” he said. Of course, Jonah was stressed over something like ultimate. He knew the boy felt more complex emotions than that, but it was hard to give him credit when he claimed frisbee as one of his biggest stressors. “It’s why I asked Andi and you to help me practice a few weeks ago. I’m real worried about it. I’m probably not good enough.”

“You’re  _ Jonah Beck _ ,” Cyrus hadn’t heard himself say Jonah’s name with that same starstruck wonder in a while. “Of course you’re good enough!”

“At least I know I can always count on you to believe in me,” his voice was warm and genuine. “Would you… um… go with me to the tryout? I could always use my vest friend there to support me.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Cyrus playfully bumped his shoulder against Jonah’s. “When are the tryouts? I’ll be there.”

“Four days?” Jonah winced as he spoke. “I’m sorry if that’s too short of a notice, you don’t have to come if you don’t--”

“ _ Relax _ , JB,” Cyrus gave another friendly nudge. “Like I said, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. You’re not inconveniencing me.”

There was a gentle exhale-- a sigh of relief. “You’re the best.”

“I know.”


	6. A Matter of Being Special

The day after his conversation with Jonah, Cyrus was with Andi at The Spoon. He had hoped the drama between the two of them had mulled over enough for it to no longer qualify as his business. He knew, however, that that was not going to be the case. Luck was never Cyrus’s specialty after all. It was up there with grace and athletic prowess.

And there it was.  _ Physical education. Gymnastics. Somersaults.  _ Andi had opened Pandora’s box the other day when he mentioned it. It  _ irked  _ him. Gymnastics was stupid!

“I just don’t think it’s fair that they expect me to do this! Are you  _ really  _ going to fail me because I’m not Simone Biles?”

“They’re not asking for Simone Biles. They’re asking for a  _ somersault _ . It’s a very different set of expectations.”

“First of all, get out of here with your technicalities and facts,” Cyrus groaned. “It’s just not fair that I’m not doing well because I can’t somersault! I like my feet to stay on the ground and my head to be upright, where it should be,” he turned to the time capsule sitting with them. “What are your thoughts, Buffy?”

“Buffy would tell you not to give up!”

“Well, she isn’t here so who’s to say?” Cyrus sulked. “Have you heard from her yet?”

“Nope,” Andi said, checking her phone once more, hoping that in that one moment the answer would change. But nothing. “I just wish she’d return one of the 47 voicemails I left, you know?”

Cyrus shrugged. “I get it. I haven’t heard anything either. But my point still stands on the somersaults! It’s even  _ harder  _ without Buffy here. She usually helps me, even with her snarky comments.”

“You can’t just fail PE, Cyrus.”

“They shouldn’t expect so much out of me!”

As they were speaking, TJ walked into the Spoon, a paper bag in his hand. He dropped it off on the counter. Amber came out of the back and grabbed the bag, giving him a hug and ruffling his hair before heading back into the breakroom.

_ What was that?  _ Cyrus wondered. Were he and Amber a thing? He did get all weird when Andi mentioned Amber the last time they were together. Maybe… the thought of it created an all-too-familiar knot in his stomach. Whelp. Time to repress  _ those  _ feelings.

It seemed that TJ had noticed the two of them sitting at a booth, and a large smile grew on his face. He fixed his hair before walking over. Cyrus watched as the confusion spread onto his face when he looked at the time capsule in the booth.

“Who’s your friend?” he asked, a laugh peppered throughout his voice. He was cheerful; Cyrus was convinced that happy TJ was one of the more beautiful things in the world.

They explained it was Buffy, but didn’t go into all of the details. Neither him nor Andi thought TJ would be interested in listening to the long story they had. It caught him by surprise. “I didn’t recognize her!” he said, before imitating their friend telling him to go away. “Ohhh,  _ now  _ I see the resemblance.”

Cyrus laughed at the joke, but Andi remained cold and unmoved. It would really be  _ great  _ if all of his friends didn’t despise TJ, especially considering all of the weird feelings that he kept trying to ignore.

“Can I sit?” TJ asked, gesturing to the booth. Cyrus’s heartbeat quickened, despite his efforts to ignore it. He nodded, a little bit too enthusiastically.

“I think she’d be okay with it,” Cyrus replied, adding a small wink into his shoulder shrug. He looked over to Andi, silently begging for her approval. He prayed that his silent pleading would work.

“I’m not sure  _ I’m  _ okay with it,” Andi told him.  _ Goddammit.  _ “You were  _ awful  _ to her! And, even though she’s gone… she’s here in spirit.”

Cyrus’s pleading expression turned into a sour one, lips pursed and gaze sharp. He just wanted TJ to sit with them! He  _ liked  _ TJ. As a friend, that is.  _ Totally  _ as a friend. Though his annoyance was betraying him.

TJ sighed and began an awkward, yet immensely sincere sounding, apology to the hunk of metal that represented Buffy.  _ He did that just to sit with me,  _ Cyrus smiled softly.  _ I think he really cares.  _ Andi gave an approving gesture, allowing the other boy to sit with them. The smile that appeared on TJ’s face was a precious one; it was more humble.

“So, what were you guys talking about?”

It was an innocent question, but the panic alarms went off in Cyrus’s head. Would he think he was a weakling or an embarrassment if he had known that Cyrus couldn’t do a simple somersault? The result led him to make up some lie about mundane conversation topics. The look on TJ’s face signalled that he wasn’t buying it.

“So, you let me sit down but you won’t even talk to me?” TJ’s voice was laced with traces of disappointment. He sounded slightly hurt. Cyrus was floundering here/

“Sorry…” he winced. “It’s private… I’m having a…  _ physical _ … issue…” he stammered out, not wanting to reveal his actual problems. The implications of his words didn’t hit until a slightly horrified  _ “Oh”  _ came from TJ.

_ FUCK. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.  _ That was  _ not  _ how this conversation was supposed to go and Cyrus went from awkwardly floundering to being absolutely  _ mortified.  _ “Wait! No! Stop imagining horrible things!” he tried to conceal the embarrassed blush that he knew was creeping onto his cheeks. “I can’t do a somersault, okay? In fact, there’s a whole list of easy things I can’t do!” the words came out rapidly. He still hated everything about how this conversation was going.

TJ tried to suppress a laugh, but the smile on his face was cute. Was Buffy right?  _ Did  _ TJ only ever smile around Cyrus. Andi confirmed the existence of the list, while Cyrus went through his notes app, copied the note titled “Easy Things I Can’t Do” and sent it to TJ. It was coming: he was preparing himself for the mockery that was bound to happen any minute.

TJ opened the text, and Cyrus prepared himself more. Another tiny chuckle, yet it sounded endearing and playful rather than mean. “Listen, underdog,” the usage of his nickname caused his heart to flutter. “If you can’t do a somersault, I can help you with that.”

Then, as if to snap him out of his TJ-induced swooning, the bells chimed, signaling the entrance of another person into The Spoon. Jonah. As if Cyrus wasn’t feeling gay enough. He nudged Andi, telling her to go talk to him about the whole situation.

The thought of dealing with more Jonah and Andi drama was more than Cyrus wanted to handle. Andi sat down with Jonah, and Cyrus observed the awkwardness of their conversation. However, a thought occurred to him: why focus on Jonah and Andi’s relationship when TJ was literally right in front of him? He focused his attention onto TJ, who grinned when they made eye contact.

“You know, the more I look at those two the more I’m convinced you’re right,” Cyrus said, trying to figure out how to start the conversation.

“Right about what?” TJ asked, stealing one of Cyrus’s baby taters. Cyrus opened his mouth to protest, but chose not to upon seeing the snarky look on the other’s face.

“For two people who supposedly like each other, Jonah and Andi seem to not like each other very much,” Cyrus resisted the urge to look over at whatever was going on with them currently.

TJ let out a laugh. The sound of his laughter combined with the way his face softened when he smiled was immensely beautiful. Cyrus couldn’t help but smile along with him. “I don’t want to just talk about Jonah and Andi when I’m with you,” Cyrus told him. “I like talking to you in a more general sense.”

“Well, we  _ could  _ talk about tackling this list of yours. We’ll start with somersaults and work from there. Next we can tackle  _ petting a cat without needing stitches _ . Macaroni is a great start. She’ll  _ love  _ you.”

Cyrus grinned. TJ wasn’t making fun of him for his inability to do simple tasks. He was willing to help push him out of his comfort zone; he was always willing to help him do that. It was strange, how someone who should have been super intimidating made him feel safe. He wasn’t even paying attention to the disaster that was occurring with Jonah and Andi and didn’t notice the door chime as Natalie entered.

“You know, that worry comes from a personal experience. My bubbe had a  _ real  _ mean cat named Gimel. Granted, I was like six and  _ not  _ great for handling grumpy cats, but I did need five stitches. I still have the scar!”

“Your bubbe named her cat Gimel?”

“She found him around Hanukkah. You named your cat Macaroni.”

“My  _ sister  _ named her Macaroni,” TJ corrected him. “I just happened to agree on the name.” Cyrus had no clue that TJ had a sister; he was surprised that it had never come up in their conversations.

“I think it’s cute,” Cyrus shrugged.

“I think yo--”

Their laughter and good times were interrupted by the girl who Jonah had brought into the Spoon, who Cyrus only had a vague recollection of seeing before, followed by Jonah who seemed so damn smug to be acting so petty. Cyrus knew right away this was his attempt at getting back at Andi, and he wanted nothing to do with this. But here he was, stuck.

“This is happening,” Cyrus tried to break the silence, while also making a subtle cry for  help.

“I should get going,” Andi’s voice betrayed her emotions. Jonah had really done it now. He felt as if this cycle of them hating each other was never going to end.

“Really?” Jonah’s voice was still smug.  _ You screwed up, Jonah, stop acting so happy about it,  _ Cyrus wanted to scream. But instead, he whimpered out a pleading “really?” to Andi. The problem wasn’t necessarily just that  _ he  _ was in the middle of a fight he wanted nothing to do with, but not they were dragging TJ and this poor other-girl (was her name Natasha? Natalie?) into it.

“I should probably head out too,” TJ spoke awkwardly; he was definitely uncomfortable. Cyrus’s face at this point was  _ screaming  _ for him to stay or give him another way out. “I gotta go to work.”  _ TJ please, please, please don’t leave me with this mess.  _ He looked at Cyrus: were his prayers answered? “Wanna come with me?”

“Yes! Please!” his answer probably came a little too soon as he scooped up his jacket and scooted past the pretty girl and Jonah. At least Jonah looked a little more remorseful about the stupidity of his actions as they walked away.

Escaping to the outside with TJ felt so much better. The two walked next to each other on the sidewalk, and Cyrus was just a little  _ too  _ aware of how close his swinging hand was next to TJ. It was all too easy to hold it or brush against it. Instead, he figured he would try to focus on making conversation.

“Thanks for helping me get out of there,” Cyrus said. “And sorry, too, I guess. I didn’t know that was going to happen.”

“No worries. I had to get to work soon anyway,” TJ explained. “Besides, now I have a little bit more leeway to take my time walking with you.”

“I didn’t even know you had a job,” Cyrus said. “Or a sister.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, underdog,” TJ bumped into him playfully. “But I’ve had this job for a few months. My dad lost his job so I wanted to help out a bit. My friend’s dad owns the gym and said he’d love to have me help out.”

“Owns the  _ what _ now?” Cyrus genuinely hoped that he had misheard TJ and the boy wasn’t genuinely bringing him to a gym. He wouldn’t fit in amongst fitness buffs! He weighed 110 pounds soaking wet.

“The gym,” TJ repeated himself and Cyrus felt his heart sink. They turned a street corner and a little off in the distance was a sign that TJ pointed to. “Jackson Street Gym. Right up here.”

“You work in a  _ gym _ ? You should have told me,” he whined. This was betrayal! Treason, perhaps. “I hate gyms!”

TJ’s response to this absolute violation of trust was no more comforting. “You’re gonna like this one,” did he  _ know  _ Cyrus? “ _ This  _ is where you’re gonna learn how to do a somersault.”

Maybe he really didn’t know Cyrus. Maybe he couldn’t read Cyrus’s genuine expression of disbelief through his own confident smile. “Says the athlete with boundless confidence! You don’t know what it’s like to be a kugel of a man.”

He was exaggerating a bit to make a point. He  _ knew  _ TJ didn’t have boundless confidence; he had seen his own insecurities laid out in front on him. But the point still stood, even as TJ lovingly pushed him into the gym. He always did like to physically  _ push  _ Cyrus out of his comfort zone.

He stepped inside to find children playing, causing his spirits to lighten once more. TJ worked with  _ kids _ . It was such an interesting development that he hadn’t expected. He gave off a completely different vibe to everyone else. He was some big, tough, jock who enjoyed intimidating others. But here he was with a bunch of kids happy to see him, helping some scrawny twink do a somersault. Cyrus thought the real TJ Kippen was an angel.

When TJ wrapped his arm around Cyrus’s shoulder and pulled him closer, he  _ heard  _ his heart pound in his ears. It was almost like when Jonah first hugged him at the Space Otters’ party. It’s when he first realized he liked him. Maybe he liked TJ. Maybe it couldn’t be ignored.

“Hey guys,” TJ greeted the kids at the gym with a widespread grin. His face was so happy and pure. “This is Cyrus,” he pulled him closer. “We’re gonna teach him how to do a somersault today.”

Cyrus felt a  _ little  _ ridiculous being unable to do something the seven year-old next to him was easily able to accomplish, but TJ and the kids’ unironically cheering him on shoved off the negative feelings. He felt supported. He felt a little confident and happy with himself, which was such a rare emotion for him.

After some warm-ups and training, and  _ many _ failed attempts, he had actually done it. The surprised and overjoyed look on TJ’s face made the endeavor worth it. However, he felt himself swell up with pride as he jumped in the air. The kids at the gym with him cheered him on, and he went around giving them all celebratory high-fives.

TJ didn’t want to just settle on a high-five. Instead, the two of them jumped in the air for a chest-bump, and the force of TJ bumping into him almost knocked him to the ground. Perhaps he wasn’t aware of his own strength.

“I can’t believe I really did it,” Cyrus was slightly out-of-breath, but mostly from the fact that he was in awe of himself.

“I can,” TJ spoke without a hint of irony in his voice. “You can do a lot if you put your mind to it, underdog. You just need someone to push you.”

“You have more faith in me than I have faith in me,” the smaller of the two replied, causing TJ to ruffle his dark brown hair.

“You should believe in yourself more,” he told him. “I've only got an hour left of my shift if you want to hang around until I get off. The kids seem to like you well enough.”

“I still can't believe you work with kids.”

“What's so hard to believe about that?” TJ asked, kneeling down to tie one of the kid’s shoes that had become untied.

“It's endearing. The big, tough, scary basketball guy has a soft side and a gaggle of kids who look up to him,” Cyrus chuckled. “It's cute. I like the fact that you're a big softie behind your scary exterior.”

“I thought I had been promoted to not-so-scary basketball guy in your eyes,” he stuck his tongue out teasingly. “And I wouldn't say I'm a  _ big  _ softie. Just around you and the kids. They're kids— impressionable kids. If I’m mean, they'll start being mean and we've got a whole new generation of jerks and bullies to deal with.”

“You have been. Promoted beyond that, I'd argue,” Cyrus was practically swooning watching how gentle and kind he was at work. “Is that what happened with you? Some big kid you looked up to was mean to you so you chose to be mean as well?”

“Big kid, my dad, same difference,” TJ shrugged, watching one of the kids climb the net. He looked ready to dash over there any moment to catch her if she fell. After he finished his sentence, he walked over to where she was. “No climbing the net without my supervision! You know the rules, Ava.”

_ His dad?  _ Cyrus couldn't help but focus on what he said. To be fair, TJ didn't exactly seem like the kind of kid who came from a loving and caring home. He'd been over there briefly once or twice, but had always been greeted by his tired-looking mother. His dad always seemed to be out. (“Job hunting, probably,” his mother would say.)

He was snapped out of his thoughts by tiny hands shoving his side. “Tag! You're it!” the boy yelled before running away giggling. His long legs gave him an unfair advantage in trying to catch the kids. Instead, he decided to focus on getting TJ, who was a much harder target. The limited space of the gym was another benefit (or disadvantage, depending on which side you belonged to). After a few minutes of chasing, he managed to brush his hand against TJ’s arm.

“Tag!” Cyrus said laughing before running away. They continued with the game until the children’s parents came to begin picking them up, laughter filling the room the entire time. TJ’s face  _ beamed  _ when he played with the kids. The sight made Cyrus’s heart race in ways that were all too familiar.

After all the kids emptied out of the gym, TJ grabbed his hoodie and vest from the coat hooks. He threw the green hoodie over his head before he spoke. “Where to after this?” he asked, tossing Cyrus his jacket.

He failed to catch it, shyly picking it up off of the floor and putting it on. “I don't really have any plans. I'd just have to text my mom to tell her where I'm going.”

“My house?” TJ offered. “My sister’s still at work so she can't annoy us. I think my mom’s home but you've met her before. Not sure about my pop.”

Cyrus did  _ not  _ want to chance meeting TJ’s dad at the moment. “I don't want to intrude… besides, I've never met your dad and—”

“And you're thinking about what I said earlier,” TJ interrupted. “I get it. He's… a lot to handle sometimes. Been pretty goddamn miserable since he lost his job.”

“I’m sorry,” Cyrus wasn't quite sure what to say to make it better. “Maybe it'll get better once he gets a new job?”

“Eh, he’s always been an ass,” TJ shrugged as if what he was saying was no big deal. “Imagine me on a bad day, only I'm forty-five years old and generally unfulfilled and dissatisfied with my life. I've got the beginnings of a beer gut going on and a concerning hatred of children for a father of two. That's Francis Kippen for you.”

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing he could think to say. “That must be… hard to go through. If you want, we could go to my house? I think my mom is making brisket.”

“Gimel the cat, a brisket dinner,” TJ had laughter contained within his voice. “Your family is  _ incredibly  _ Jewish.”

“TJ, you went to my bar mitzvah. You  _ know  _ I have four Jewish parents. Sometimes I think they try to outdo each other with their Jewishness. It's funny, because I'm pretty sure none of them keep kosher.”

“Your family sounds incredibly interesting,” was his reply. “But in a fun and chaotic way. Having four parents must be a lot. I can hardly handle  _ two _ .”

“Passover’s an interesting time,” he shrugged. “One year my mom and my dad weren’t speaking, so my stepmom and stepdad weren’t going to speak to make things even  _ more  _ awkward. It was a very silent Seder.”

TJ chuckled. “Well, I guess both of our families are messes, huh? Just in… different ways, I guess.”

“By the way, when we get to my house, please don't mention me liking Jonah. My mom and stepdad don't know I’m gay,” Cyrus warned TJ. The thought of him slipping up and accidentally outing him to his parents was  _ terrifying _ . “I know you’ve been there before but I figured it was important to remind you. The only parent who does is my stepmom, but that's only because she's my therapist and sworn to confidentiality.”

“I won't say anything,” TJ smiled. “I get how stressful it is. To make it more convincing, I'll talk about sports and guy stuff. Make you seem like a real bro.”

_ He gets me?  _ “Shut up,” Cyrus playfully tapped his chest. “I think how little I know about those topics would make it even  _ less  _ convincing. I appreciate the gesture, though.”

“Anytime, underdog.”

The walk back to Cyrus’s house wasn't terribly long but Cyrus was so distracted by the close proximity of their hands again.  TJ’s had brushed against his own several times on the walk… he wondered if the other boy noticed or cared as much as he did.  _ Maybe _ , he thought. After all, TJ lost his train of thought every time it happened.

Then TJ put his hands in his pockets, which was weirdly disappointing for Cyrus. The tiny moments when they brushed against each other was oddly nice.

“My hands are cold,” TJ said, shoving them deeper in his pockets. “There’s no reason for it to be so cold outside— it's spring.”

“Transitional seasons are weird,” Cyrus shrugged. “You can never predict the weather in this area— well, I guess you could if you're a weatherman, but for us normal folk, it's just guesswork. Oddly enough, my hands aren't very cold.”

At that moment, TJ took his hand out of the pocket of his vest and grabbed Cyrus’s, trying to feel it's warmth. TJ’s hands were freezing, but it didn't bother him. He was far too preoccupied with the fact that TJ was holding his hand. His hand lingered just a  _ few  _ seconds too long for it to mean nothing before he let go.

“You-you're right. They're, um, pretty warm,” TJ stammered. “You're so skinny, I’m surprised. You just seem like the kind of person with cold hands.”

“I seem like I have bad circulation?” Cyrus said with a laugh. “I didn't know that was a vibe people could put out.”

“You'd be surprised the kind of vibes people give out,” he said. “You also look like you have soft hair. You also give off the vibe of someone who can't sit through a full horror movie.”

“I hate how accurate this is,” Cyrus protested.  _ He’s thought about my hair being soft _ .  _ He’s thought about running his fingers through my hair _ . 

“It's just a vibe, you know?” TJ said, winking one of his pretty green eyes. “You have soft hands.”

“Another vibe?”

“A fact,” he retorted. “Yours are a lot softer than mine, I think. I've got a decent amount of calluses from my workouts. Pull up bars can cause some nasty rips in your hands if you're not careful.”

“I'll keep that in mind in case I ever choose to do pull-ups,” sarcasm was laid on thick in Cyrus’s voice. The boy could hardly do a push-up and that required much less upper body strength. It took him another second to realize what TJ had  _ said  _ to him. He had soft hands. TJ paid attention to how his hands felt. It was a silly, hopeless gay thought to have, but maybe TJ liked him?

When they got to his house, his mother was in the kitchen. “How was your day, Cyrus?” she asked in the midst of chopping up a cucumber.

“I learned how to do a somersault!” Cyrus’s voice was filled with an almost childlike joy.

“Oh! How'd you learn to do that?” she asked, still focused on the dinner preparations. “I'd hug you but I want to get the salad done before the brisket is finished preparing. But how'd you learn to do the somersault? I thought you were struggling with that in gym.”

“I taught him,” TJ piped up, making his presence known to Leslie.

“Oh! Hi TJ!” she looked up and scraped the cucumber slices into the salad bowl. “I didn't even notice you there! If I'd looked up I wouldn't have been able to miss you; you're so tall, after all! Gosh, you must have grown since the last time I saw you.”

“It's nice to see you, Leslie,” he smiled. “Anything I can help with for dinner?”

Cyrus recalled the first time TJ had been to his mother's house. He had called her  _ Mrs. Goodman _ , unsure of what else to call her.  _ “Please, Mrs. Goodman is my ex-husband’s wife! Call me Leslie!”  _ she had insisted. He made a good impression on her— they always seemed to chat amicably like this.

“Nonsense! You're a guest. You haven't been over for dinner in a while,” she said, still in the process of buzzing about the kitchen.

“It seems that whenever I hang out with Cyrus, he's at his dad’s. I think my work schedule unfairly lines up with days he spends with you,” he responded. “Unfortunate, really.”

“Such a charmer! Don't you think he's a charmer, Cyrus?” Leslie asked her son.

“Of course,” he laughed nervously. “Who wouldn't?”  _ Mom, you have  _ **_no_ ** _ idea. _ “When will dinner be ready?”

“Well, the salad is done and by the time we’re done with the salad, the rest of the meal should be finished. I've got the roast on a timer so when that goes off we'll be good. As for sides, I've got the potatoes and some of that good bread from the grocery store and cauliflower. Sound good enough?”

“It'll suffice, I suppose,” Cyrus answered with a cheeky smile on his face.

“Well, why don't you get your father and tell him to join us at the table? Oh, and tell him we have a guest!” his mother told him. “I don't want him to come out looking like a schmuck.”

Cyrus’s step dad came from the family room, reading glasses hanging off of his button-up shirt. “Crosswords in the paper are good today, a real challenge. Makes up for the fact that the Sudoku puzzles were a joke. Oh, hi TJ. Nice to see you again.”

“Nice to see you as well, Todd,” TJ waved from his seat. “I’d prefer a tricky crossword to Sudoku any day. I can never understand them.”

“I’m more of a numbers guy myself,” Todd said. “I’m surprised. Are you sure you’re not a numbers guy? You strike me as a math guy, TJ.”

“Oh, I can guarantee you I’m definitely  _ not  _ a math guy,” he shot a knowing, yet awkward, look over to Cyrus. All Cyrus could do was respond with a shrug. TJ had been officially diagnosed with dyscalculia not too long ago and Cyrus could  _ see  _ the discomfort registering on his face. It was a large insecurity of his.

“TJ taught me how to do a somersault today!” Cyrus announced, abruptly changing the topic of conversation away from his friend’s insecurities. “It was exhilarating! I’ve never done one before, you know? I didn’t even need him to push me!”

“That’s great, Cyrus!” Todd exclaimed. “Did you hear that, honey? Cyrus learned how to do a somersault today!” he called to Leslie, who was bringing out the salad from the kitchen.

“I did! He told me a little earlier when they first came in,” she responded, taking some of the salad out with the tongs and putting it into her bowl.

Cyrus cast a glance over to TJ and smiled. His heart fluttered a bit after he saw him mouth the words  _ “Thank you”. _


End file.
